August 18th, 2002


The Long and Winding Road

I think I have finally healed a significant portion of the pain that I was feeling over the Pan incident. I was finally alloted enough time off from work and being SuperSingleMom to have a really good cry and a few conversations with both Q. and Pan about it. I have stopped kicking myself around the block for making what I perceive to be a mistake.

And, hip hip hooray, Q. and Pan have a date to spend some alone time today!!! I am very happy for them. I can see how full this connection could be between them, and it makes my heart sing to see Q. finally find someone wonderful to explore his heart with in this way. Oh, how very *poly* of me!

I have been germinating a new friendship with a special someone I met at the EDC drumming weekend in Vt. this summer. It feels like a very powerful connection, and the emotional availability is refreshing. I am really *groovin'* on the attention, too. I just love email flurries with funnies and puns and poems and intense truths all wrapped in together! I am not sure of the path with DeepWell, but he and I certainly have struck some chord within us and are very curious about whence it comes and whither it goes.

Works sux. Running a summer camp for 31 kids with no AC in the building is tough, despite all the beach trips, pond trips and the like. We are on hiatus now until the 28th. Major communications breakdowns at the end forced some nasty situations to a head, and I left feeling greatly misunderstood, and majorly unappreciated. Not a good thing.

Hoping beyond hopes that when Skydancer returns from Montana, everything will settle into a more calm space with her and Pan and Q. and I, and all the permutations of dyads, triads and quads we can muster of us. I so want to hold Skydancer and tell her all is going to be well after some healing time. I would love to spend the night holding her and listening to her breathe...gently touch her face awake...tell her I believe in her path and her choices....feel the calm between our hearts.