poly boston's Journal|
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Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
|Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh MY!
It seems that the ever-rolling tide of life keeps ebbing and flowing and I bob along with it. Today, though, I am sad,for some obvious reasons, and angry for some obvious reasons, and some not so obvious reasons.
I feel so incredibly grateful to have wonderful and loving people in my life.
And, I am saddened to hear of Skydancers miscarriage, her fourth of recent attempts. She sounded cheery on the phone, however, and certain that the new steps they are taking in health and holistic ways will better strengthen her to carry their child to term next time.
I am full-hearted about Deep Well, and his new home , and I feel blessed that he would show up last night with his digicam to show me the photos of it. I feel us getting closer and closer, gently, carefully, and with wonderful Intent, and I see glistening in front of me a faint path beginning to form.
I am feeling anxious, a bit < biting fingernails here>, about Q. and his photographic endeavors with gorgeous women (ahem) and I am being yelled at by the Self Image Beasties while I sit feeling crampy and bloated and entirely unattractive. Not sumpin' I hear very often from myself, but I think the Pan incident ("I must not be attractive enough for him to forsake our sexual connection like that") to the "Wondering why someone I really like can manage to keep his hands off me, even though I know why already", to "my Major Love is getting off taking erotic photographs of gorgeous, thin, and, um, young women...alone in his apartment." (yeah, I know art, art, art, art, art......I KNOW all this cognitively, but the Feeeeeeeelings are still there.)
Icky voices. Go away.
And, on top of that I dream each night of avalanches, or earthquakes, and last night of being stung by jelly fish, and a tiger swimming near me throwing rocks at me.
Why would I dream that of you?
I should go clean out my cabinets or something Feug Shui-ey, but all I seem to be able to do is putz around the house and feel icky.
I need a hug.
Current Mood: anxious