September 18th, 2002



I wonder if Christopher Columbus ever sat on deck scratching his head thinking "Ah, lessie, I was looking for cinnamon, right? So, hmmm THIS place looks way cool, but there certainly are *different* things here than I had expected."

Funny how one can travel into heartspaces with intent to find spices and wander into some Huge Territory. I am really very comfortable with the shifts in the wind, the stopping and thinking, the *feeling* and just letting it be, more than I thought I was capable of.

I am much more at peace with not labeling what a path might be. Just knowing that a path is there, that a door has been opened and some really incredible things are inside is enough. I don't need a paradigm to complete it. I don't need a "plan". Other than to tread lightly, with love in my heart.

Q and I are finding that we are relly in a new place now. Some of the old ways have really fallen to the side, allowing for more movement inside us, and between us. It is sometimes uncomfortable. But one cannot avoid that without losing something special, that freedom of being what Is.

He said last night, that in the peak of his Squick he was feeling like he wanted to run in and demand monogamy. Funny to hear that from HIM. Heh. But, after he thought and felt about what he was swimming in, he realized that it was a message to himself about learning how I must have felt when I was living in a place of fear. And he felt that contracted place ease inside him. He knows this is a complicated path. He knows we have no choice. I won't avoid this. Treading tenderly into the Mystery is more my style now. I think he is finally *getting* it that I am not the same person I was last year, or the year before.

And, neither is he, apparently.