Firespiral (firespiral) wrote in polyboston,

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Enough, already!

Okay, I am about a durable as the next guy, but enough, already, with this heat. I mean, really now. I have bloody-well had enough of this. Ugh. I suppose the upside to this dry heat is that my seasonal allergies are not bad at all this year. But, I can take Benadryl for the sneezies. And there are NO air conditioners to be found anywhere at this point. Le pant, le pant.

I have found that walking around my house in a wet t-shirt works pretty well. Apparently, the Fed-Ex guy thinks so, too. Heh.

Yesterday was interesting. It takes a lot for my Very Poly Boyfriend to ask me to not share myself with anyone for a while. Hmmmm. Being hardwired Mono with a Poly adapter means that I kinda like this sort of attention. Mostly.

It is a bit confusing, though, considering what is going on in our lives these days. He made it pretty clear that he is feeling possessive of me with regard to Deep Well, but that he is working with it, and does not want me to change my course with regard to our growing friendship. I told him I was in no way ready for anything sexual to evolve at this point, anyway, so his request is not putting any damper on my relationship style, at present. I also said that I would advise him if this shifts for me, and we can enter, carefully, into negotiations at that point. Considering that he practically dragged me into poly by my hair, kicking and screaming, and all of the growing and stretching I have done in the past two years, I feel confident to ask for whatever I truly need or want with regard to my relationship with Deep Well. And the word casual does not fit into the picture in any way, sense or paradigm.

He is right, though...this is the first person who really presents competition with regard to my heartspace. But, I am pretty confident in where I am going with Q. right now, and we are not in any scary or empty places, so there is not a need for replacement...but I do have room for addition. How very poly of me, heh.

I think I learned a lot with Pan about opening up my heart to someone and then being cast into a current that requires me to take a major shift in how I relate to that person. I prefer to Crawl into love, rather than fall. And, still, Pan and Skydancer and Q. and I have to muddle through what it *is* that we can be to and for eachother.

"if it doesn't brush my shoulder and it doesn't beat my heart, that's not what I want, no that's not what I will start...I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart..that's not what I want, no, no..." Lisa Loeb.

Feeling the ebb and flow of possibilites, the burgeoning of my heart, and the healing of my wounds,

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