It is true that, in the past, when I have examined this Particularly Difficult Situation, I have, indeed, gone over the edge and it took a long time to recover for us. But, I don't play the Blame Game anymore.
Sometimes I just need to look into the difficult stuff to see how far I have come, to test my reactivity, to get a reading on how far I need to go. I know what I am heading for, and I know I will get there. I am not complacent, and I am unwilling to stop looking at the Hard Things inorder to avoid Pain.
You can't avoid pain for too very long. Like a bubble under contact paper, it goes SOMEWHERE else until it is properly acknowledged and released. This Particular Pain has many edges to it, many tendrils that speak to me of ancient Damages incurred waaaaaaaaay before I entered into this Poly love. I used to put my hands over my metaphorical ears and go "la la la, I can't hear you!" and now, I don't do that.
I am who I am. And that changes with the winds. And, I am okay. Really.
Q. wants to know what I think I can learn by revisiting this Old Stuff. My answer is that I can learn about Who I am NOW in the face of it. And, despite a few rocky days of feeling like Stuhl about myself, I am surfacing, and I am much less reactive than I was two days ago. All that, without Chocolate!!! Dayum! I rock.