Firespiral (firespiral) wrote in polyboston,

*Boom* Shaka Laka Laka *Boom* Shaka Laka

From the nether end of a system of a down (no, not the group) I look back and see that, as usual, pain is not unaccustomed to preceding growth and change.

Last week I felt like the Snow Globe Of Life was being shaken for all it is worth, in a bad way. I doubted myself (boo-hisss)and yet, on the Other Side I realize that I was merely at a Juncture, a Crossroads.

Okay, lemmie be Groundless for a minute here:

I am always at a crossroad. It is the checkpoints that stun me sometimes. The inventory taken, the ponderings of the what's and whyfor's....every minute is fresh and new, and I can make choices about who I am in that minute.

One of the things I realize that I *like* about poly is that if forces me (yes, me, maybe not you..) to really Be in the Moment. I find myself training to not let one love energy bleed into another. That is harder some days than others. I try not to spend time thinking of one person when I am with another. NRE is a powerful thing, and compartmentalizing it to some degree is necessary for me, in order to honor all parties, and the energies that I share with them. Being mostly mono-wired, though, it is a difficult task sometimes, as I have known myself to feel that Inner Compass turn away from one to another. That is the icky part for me. It takes time for me to re-assert with myself that I *don't* have to make a *choice* between (or among, should I be so lucky) loves.

Holding a partner who is in Squick Mode after I have been with someone else makes that affirmation harder. Something inside me races to make a choice, to defend or deny, to make it "better", to relieve any stress that I feel about being Mono with a Poly adapter.

But... I am MONO!!!!
But...I am POLY!!!

Yes, grasshopper. Duality *is*.

Sometimes I can't tell if falling in love with someone new affirms my monogamous side more than my poly side, or the other way around.

I feel amazingly beautiful this morning. And I am the same stream, albeit different water, than I was when I was writing last week.

Let the Way Be Open
One Step at A Time
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